Friday 25 February 2011
the little spotty hat...
I keep it beside my bed, I hold it and kiss it goodnight, like I would my son. This spotty hat had become iconic. I put it on Angus hours after he was born, oh how adorable he looked. This wasn't the hat we gave to the funeral director, I gave him the little bear hat. The spotty hat was for me to keep, to hand down to his brother or sister, a present from Angus. I love this hat though sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it breaks my heart but other times it brings me comfort. Comfort in that he was actually here, I didn't imagine him, I didn't imagine those 39 weeks of pregnancy and those three days of blissfully ignorant joy. Because sometimes it feels like I did imagine it as here I am two weeks after we lost him, no bump and no baby. Just me, heartbroken and clueless.
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Don't you just wish, give me two more seconds, just another two minutes, only two more hours, months, years.....and yet what we actually get to spend the time with is ourselves. We are what was left behind. Thankfully you have your little spotty hat..... :)
ReplyDeleteI do yes, but we both know if we were given two more hours then it still wouldn't be enough we would ask for two more over and over again. We can't have the one thing we want more than anything and that's to see our boys grow up. One day though we can tell our other children of their big brothers.
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