feeling isolated

I haven't been feeling so positive lately. I'm not sure why but I feel very isolated, I find people I used to be very close to now seem so distant. It hurts that I lost my son and now I'm losing friends too at the time I need them most. It just doesn't seem fair, I haven't done anything why should I suffer am I not suffering enough? It makes me angry at those people who can't face their own discomfort to comfort me. It's selfish to say the least. Or maybe I'm just angry. I understand people don't know what to say to me, that isn't my fault I didn't ask for this to happen.

I pretend I'm ok because that's what people expect of me. They want me to be the old Heidi but I know she died along with my son. There's no going back and although I try to look to the future there are days where I struggle to do so. Today I'm a 4 (out of 10, with 10 being great). I know I need to find the small things to get me through the day but I've been lonely today with things circling my head. I just wish it would all stop. Some times the good out weights the bad but some times the bad drowns the good.