heartbreak and hope

Today was the day we all got the news, the heartbreaking news of a loving friend. We had all been praying for her, her husband and their rainbow. The fight is over now, the little one is at rest with his/her brothers. Today many hearts broke because of their loss, we all know the feeling of losing a child, we have lived it, we have worn those shoes. However they lost 3 children this year, first the twins and now this little one. What kind of world do we live in is what has been going through my head. It just isn't fair, but then nor is the world. The world isn't about being fair and giving people what they deserve. There is no karma or higher being, how can there be? I'm not sure I have faith any more, I lost it when we lost Angus but now, my word It's gone. I believe in hope but doesn't this come hand in hand with faith? Am I foolish to think I have no faith but deep down there is it. Faith that good will come, that the storm passes and there is a rainbow, the sun and the warmth. Yes I'm angry at the world, but at the same time it's the same world that have given us Roo. As I type she is kicking, while I cry knowing this is a feeling my friend longs to feel. With every passing day I realise more how very precious our little Roo is.

Some people take pregnancy for granted, I know I did. I assumed you got pregnant and had a child! My lord 15 year olds were doing it! How lucky I was to fall pregnant so quickly with Angus, how naive to think I'd have my child. He has gone now and with him the naivety of pregnancy. But I'm blessed, this I know. Cursed and blessed all at once. I will not feel sorry for myself nor think I've been given a rough blow. It's a storm we have weathered and continue to do so all our lives. I have hope that Roo will grow up to cause us all sorts of trouble (please be more like daddy than me lol). My friend still has hope in her heart, it's amazing. Strong is something you become when you have no other choice. We all have no other choice, the world continues to spin, day becomes night. We live because it isn't over for us. We cannot decide on some things but we can decide how we live with what is happening/has happened. I know that with hope in our hearts we may find what we are looking for, we may learn to live in this cruel world and find sunshine and warmth when we need it most.